Southern Humorists - Humor from S.D. Youngren

Louden Flat short-story writer Ann Onimus has donated her entire collection of rejection slips to the Louden Flat Library. The 2,342 slips, spanning a 27-year career, will go on display next month as part of the library's "The Literary Life" exhibit.

"It's actually pretty exciting," said librarian O. U. Hushup. "It's not only a look inside 792 different publications, both large and small, but you can see how some of their practices have changed over time. And, of course, it's also a tribute to an artist's perseverance, especially as Ms. Onimus has yet to get a single acceptance."

Library fundraiser Pat Downe believes the collection will be good for both the library and the community. "It's time we recognized unrecognized talent," she said. "And this shows how important literature and literary endeavors are to people."

Onimus said she made the donation after finding that she no longer had room to store the slips. "They're like your kids' report cards," she said. "You can't just throw them away. I worked hard for them, but I no longer had a place to put them. I figured, what the heck-- and hey, now something of mine will finally be in the library."

The slips range from two pages in length to bookmark-sized bits of paper. Some are apologetic in tone, some are terse, and a few are even whimsical. "It's actually a valuable writer's resource," Hushup explained. "You can kind of shop around and compare, then send your manuscript to a publication whose slips you like."

Onimus also felt the slips would be of interest to others. Initially she contacted book publisher Don Chu Wish about bringing them out in book form. "They said it wasn't an original idea," Onimus said. "They sent me slip number 2,338. I decided pretty soon after that to just donate the things."

In a back room usually reserved for library staff, Onimus leafed through the collection. "Some of them have little check-off boxes for the editor or whoever. See, like this: 'Good enough, just not your lucky day,' through 'Almost good enough; send something better next time,' to 'Try a publisher we don't like,' to 'At least quit writing in crayon.' I have five from them marked 'Not your lucky day.'" Other slips are less specific. One small card reads in full, "Does not meet our past, current, or future needs." Another form rejection has been personalized with "Annie--" at the top and "Sorry!" at the bottom. "I've sent them so much stuff they're almost family," explained Onimus. She indicated another slip. "This is one of my favorites. Somebody had this in a boring meeting or maybe they were on the phone and got put on hold, but you can see they doodled all over it. I think this doodle here might be a caricature of the boss or somebody." Onimus smiled. "Kind of a personal touch."

Most of the slips of course are short form letters, including the one sent by Louden Flat's own Inured Reams, published by Blumenthal "Blu" Moon. "I'd like everybody to know that our rejection slips are now much more polite," said Moon. "I invite Ms. Onimus to make another submission so she can see for herself." Asked if he might someday accept an Onimus piece, Moon replied, "Anything's possible." He hesitated slightly. "But I'm awfully proud of our new improved rejection slip."

Though she's not sure she'll be submitting any more stories to Inured Reams, Onimus does plan to keep on writing, and trying to publish. "I just kind of have to," she said. "It's that or go nuts. Not that all these rejections are keeping me very sane."

"It's amazing how much she's managed to do all by herself," said librarian Hushup. "I mean really by herself, since her last agent gave up ten years ago--we have his goodbye note, labeled as rejection number 1,229. But she's outlasted them all. She'll outlast all of us."

"I always wanted literary immortality," Onimus joked. "I guess this is my chance."

Asked if the library will display any of Onimus' works along with the slips they earned, Hushup said that Onimus had offered to loan several stories. "We considered it, but concluded that they do not meet the needs of our current exhibit."

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S. D. Youngren was born and raised in San Jose, California, and holds Bachelor's degrees in English and Psychology from San Jose State University. Her novel, Rowena Gets a Life, is a collection of stories from her humorous-fiction website, "Rowena's Page" She lives with her husband in Los Angeles.