Southern Humorists


    Reopening negotiations with the North - One Laugh at a time.

Down Home
Good Ol'  Staff
Y'all Come Join
Dixie Dispatch
Get Our Ezine
Humor Shop
Buy Our Books
Our Writers
Theresa Adams
Sherri Bailey
Ben Baker
Shag Baker
Lisa Barker
Renee' Barnes
Mama Kat
Melissa Baumann
Mike Bay
Neal Beard
GL Benton
Mark Berryman
John L. Brazell
Brenda Birmelin
John Brock
Mitch Chase
Carson Cockman
Maxwell Courson
Willis Craik
Kevin Crawford
Steve Darnell
David Decker
Cheryl Dendy
Judy Diamond
Doug Dickerson
Horace J. Digby
Susie Dunham
Irv Eisenberg
Carrie English
Diane Estill
Leeuna Foster
Lisa Friedman
Karin Fuller
Bill Fullerton
Angela Gillaspie
Joe Giorgianni
Cathy Gregor
Tom Hale
Chase Hart
Robert Haught
Ken Hill
Wayne Hunt
Edward Hurst
Neil O. Jones
Phil Jones
Stephen Kramer
Marti Lawrence
Monica M.
Barbara Madden
Alice Masci
Bill Melton
Sheila Moss
George Motz
Mark Motz
Tom O'Brien
Jason Offutt
Ed Owen
J.  Papandrew
Greg Podolski
Rick Rantamaki
Joyce Rapier
Cappy Rearick
Susan Reinhardt
G  Richardson
Elisa Ritter
Tisha Sharp
Dana Sieben
Julie W  Smith
James L. Snyder
Bev Sobkowich
Asa Sparks
Al Speegle
Leon Stewart
Ren Summerlin
BobLee Swagger
Brian  Thompson
David Wayne
Roy P Whittaker
S.D. Youngren
Jest fer Fun!
Possum Hunt
The Word "Girl"
Deer Hunting
Cut the Mustard
Snipe Hunting
Snake Handlin'
Rooster Contest
Redneck Car
Sneaky Snake
Boiled Peanuts 
Tipsy Chicken
Fried Jelly Beans
Marriage Advice
Super Dudes
Summer Fav's
Bacon Grease
Big Butts
Purty Peggy
Tub o' Lard
Dixie Dispatch
Dixie Dispatch
Redneck Lovin'
Diggin' in Dirt
All About Dixie
Critters Varmints
Gooder'n Grits
Southern Autumn
Scared Silly
Piggin' Out
Links & Stuff
Visit Our Sites
HOT HumorLinks
Link Swap
Favorite Toons
Chicken Writer
Say Howdy!
Email a Howdy
Our Policy

Dedicated to Marta Martin  

Tribute to AsA

  Updated 1-2-08




























She's From Around Here

... local girl makes good being bad - 1/17/2006 9:08:59 AM

… Everybody comes from somewhere.  If a someone becomes “somebody” and their somewhere is “where you are from” it gets exciting. … A young lady, multi-decades removed from me, has leap frogged from “local pretty girl” to Internet cheesecake to a bona-fide TV screen siren.  Jaime Pressley grew up in MY HOME TOWN.  Both of us born and bred among the hushpuppies and tobacco fields of the same “Downeast” town.  If you think that’s a hot topic for beauty parlors and back fences … YOU’RE RIGHT!

    Jaime Pressley busted out in primetime this Fall.  Up til then, our hometown’s most famous femme fatale  was the girl that married Lee Iacocca about 20 years ago.  With his first wife hardly cold in the grave, Lee, in his late 60s at the time, got himself hitched to our 30-ish “former flight attendant”.  The May-December nuptials didn’t thrill Lee’s grown children. 


    Around town. all this gal’s old beaus expected “the tabloids” to come acalling ready to pay for juicy background.  Apparently Lee’s blushing bride had not been “saving herself” for Mr. Right, Mr. Old or Mr. Rich.  If she had been, THAT would have been news-worthy.  As it was …. Yawn.  No windfall profits for the local bon vivants hanging around the putting green at the country club … DRAT!

    Alas, before you could say “iron-clad pre-nup” it was splitsville.  Ol’ Lee did have a goofy grin on his face for 6-8 months after he changed the locks on his Detroit-area mega-mogul mansion.

    The local community hucksters never got around to posting that city limits sign “The former Mrs Lee Iacocca was from Here.”  But it’s a possibility this time around with Jaime Pressley.

    It’s not a unique story but still special when it’s local.  Young girl grows up in sleepy Southern town dripping with middle class values and all sorts of Mayberry similarities.  (NOTE: Refer to BobLee’s all-time classic 2003 column “Pretty DownEast Wimmen”).  Her first magazine cover at 13 revealed that “she had IT”.  “IT” was oozing out all over her, bustin’ her buttons and straining the denim seams of her poured-in jeans.

    … and the kinfolks said … Jaime you need to move away from there.  Said Californee is the place you oughta be.  So she loaded up the mini-van and moved to Beverlee.  Hills, that is … swimming pools, movie stars, cheesy agents, casting couches and video cameras.

    First thing ya know Jaime’s a B-movie vixen of international repute.  Her au natural images appeared on dorm room ceilings and in those cinderblock XXX porno-palaces next to used car lots  Not to mention in the erotic daydreams of the Howard Spragues of the world … and even admired in lesbian love dens where “they do” whatever it is that “they do” with each other. 

   Get your picture taken striding a Harley Hawg wearing stilettos, a g-string, and a smile.  People are going to take notice.  They will have opinions about you doing it, especially in a small town.

   As you would expect, our small Southern town has a rasher of busybodies and nabobs.  I am related to some doozies.  Jaime did not seek my approval to do what she does.  Nor did I consult her about my lurid occupation. 

   The Tobacco buy-out is old news.  Jim Hunt’s Global TransPark scam made Jim Hunt's cronies rich but left the community poor.   The beauty parlours and backfences were hungry for fodder.  The Pressleys went back 3+ generations so everybody claimed to know them and/or her.   Jaime was a mere nymphet when she separated from her parents at 15 and headed west.  LA eats up nymphets like Orca feeding on a school of herring.  Most disappear.  Some, like Jaime Pressly, emerge a few years later as  “screen sirens”.

    A not dissimilar career path was followed by a pretty girl from North Myrtle Beach back in the 80s.  She has done OK wearing evening gowns and turning letters with Pat Sajak.

   Jaime’s career percolated for a few years thru B-movies and “pictorials” in Maxim, FHM, Playboy and a few of those calendars you see hanging in auto repair shops.  She began doing TV including a “car crash and shoot’em up” series with Tiffany Amber-Thiessen in which she played a drug gang skank.  Their obligatory “lesbian kiss” ratcheted ratings 8 points with her target demographics.

   She is now riding a rocket playing “Joy”.  Earl’s ex-wife on “My Name Is Earl” – the break-out comedy hit in NBC’s fall line-up.  “Joy” is a “trailer park skank with a heart of polyester”.  Jaime plays her in a hilarious over-the-top fashion.  Guess how she developed the character of “Joy”?

   Her recent appearance on Fox & Friends created quite a local stir.  As millions gawked and leered she revealed that “Joy” was modeled after “the people I  knew growing up back in North Carolina” … especially their odd customs like “driveway tanning with baby oil and iodine”. The hommies were divided over whether she should be more specific about her “home town” and ID the specific trailer park skanks incorporated into “Joy”.

    Be Warned … the show is a tad “raw”.  Not for the genteel or easily offended (kinda like this website!)

    Carmen Electra was once Dennis Rodman’s arm candy.  Now she is co-starring in a new movie with Steve Martin.  In interviews Carmen and Jaime both project a street-savy and the rare capability of not taking themselves too seriously (Tar Heel fans take note!) despite the hubba hubba they generate by simply entering a room.  Sleek Ferraris chased by dirty old men and pimply-faced punks neither of whom would know what to do with’em if they ever caught’em.

    Jaime and BobLee might one day be co-Grand Marshals of the local Christmas Parade … side-by-side on a flatbed truck surrounded by runny-nosed elves and dodging incoming pea-shooters from the local miscreants.  I’ll be the one with the beard.  Jaime will be one with the 38-D cups. 

Small Southern towns 

They are SPECIAL! 

© 2006 BobLee Swagger

* * * * * 

BobLee Swagger is blessed with a Buddy Rolodex full of “incredibly cool sumbitches” from all over the country, a lovely long-legged tolerant “Mizzus”, a remarkable “Kid”, and a telepathic “Cat”.

Eight years ago (1998) he was handed a keyboard and modem and convinced that the fate of Western Civilization hinged on his ability to produce clever and provocative commentaries. He has been "on duty" ever since.

Read more about BobLee at Swagger Says.  He always welcomes your comments and suggestions via [email protected]

* * * * *