Southern Humorists

   Southern Humorists.com

    Reopening negotiations with the North - One Laugh at a time.

Down Home
Good Ol'  Staff
Y'all Come Join
Dixie Dispatch
Get Our Ezine
Humor Shop
Buy Our Books
Our Writers
Theresa Adams
Sherri Bailey
Ben Baker
Shag Baker
Lisa Barker
Renee' Barnes
Mama Kat
Melissa Baumann
Mike Bay
Neal Beard
GL Benton
Mark Berryman
John L. Brazell
Brenda Birmelin
John Brock
Mitch Chase
Carson Cockman
Maxwell Courson
Willis Craik
Kevin Crawford
Steve Darnell
David Decker
Cheryl Dendy
Judy Diamond
Doug Dickerson
Horace J. Digby
Susie Dunham
Irv Eisenberg
Carrie English
Diane Estill
Leeuna Foster
Lisa Friedman
Karin Fuller
Bill Fullerton
Angela Gillaspie
Joe Giorgianni
Cathy Gregor
Tom Hale
Chase Hart
Robert Haught
Ken Hill
Wayne Hunt
Edward Hurst
Neil O. Jones
Phil Jones
Stephen Kramer
Marti Lawrence
Monica M.
Barbara Madden
Alice Masci
Bill Melton
Sheila Moss
George Motz
Mark Motz
Tom O'Brien
Jason Offutt
Ed Owen
J.  Papandrew
Greg Podolski
Rick Rantamaki
Joyce Rapier
Cappy Rearick
Susan Reinhardt
G  Richardson
Elisa Ritter
Tisha Sharp
Dana Sieben
Julie W  Smith
James L. Snyder
Bev Sobkowich
Asa Sparks
Al Speegle
Leon Stewart
Ren Summerlin
BobLee Swagger
Brian  Thompson
David Wayne
Roy P Whittaker
S.D. Youngren
Jest fer Fun!
Possum Hunt
The Word "Girl"
Deer Hunting
Exclamation
Cut the Mustard
Snipe Hunting
Snake Handlin'
Rhubarb
Rooster Contest
Redneck Car
Sneaky Snake
Sassafras
Boiled Peanuts 
Tipsy Chicken
Fried Jelly Beans
Marriage Advice
Super Dudes
Summer Fav's
Bacon Grease
Big Butts
Ressel-pees
Purty Peggy
Tub o' Lard
Dixie Dispatch
Dixie Dispatch
Redneck Lovin'
Diggin' in Dirt
All About Dixie
Critters Varmints
Gooder'n Grits
Southern Autumn
Scared Silly
Piggin' Out
Holler-Days
Links & Stuff
Visit Our Sites
HOT HumorLinks
Link Swap
WebRings
Favorite Toons
Chicken Writer
BirdBreath
Chasetoons
Say Howdy!
Email a Howdy
Our Policy
Banners

Dedicated to Marta Martin  

Tribute to AsA

  Updated 1-2-08

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas and Cleoutus, Shopping for the Wife

By Ren Summerlin

He was deep in concentration. So I just let him think. I rubbed Quennie Jr. on the head and looked in her ears. Quennie Jr. moaned and looked at me as if to say” Well Done”

Cleotus Allegood looked up too and sighed. “Just don’t know what to do, Ren. Just don’t know what to do. The Old Lady done told me that she wuz expecting more this year than before. Kain’t understand them wommin. Last year she wuz plum tickled with the ’lectric fence box she shore has used it too. Kept the spotted sow out of the road. Them thangs ain’t cheap neither.”

I told my friend that I knew the price of a good one and that he was correct, they were not cheap. I also knew he was still thinking. So I let him think.

“Kain’t thank of much else she needs. Got her a pair of red rubber boots a time back. Weren’t no special occasion. Just felt like I would do somethin’ nice. Them others were ‘bout wore out.” Cleoutus mumbled. “ Reckon I‘ll need to think of somethin’ else. Got any ideas Ren ?”

I thought a minute or so and with careful wordage I said this.

“Well you know Cleoutus some women like different things. Some like a good smelling perfume. Some a box of candy, but knowing your wife as I do I’ll bet she wants something special just from you”

“Whar is yo mind, Ren? I kain’t believe you said somethin’ like that. That woman don’t want no perfume or candy. That ain’t practical atall. Goodness, Ren, what are you thanking’?” Cleotus said and looked at me. “If I'm gone git her anythang it will be somethin’ she can use and enjoy.”

We sat there and talked some small talk. We discussed if the specks were biting at the millpond and if it might be a cold winter.

Then Cleoutus stood up and slapped his hands together and said” I got it Ren. Something from me and special too. I’m shore glad I come to see you fer a minute. Even tho you have got some per-que-ye -ler ways of thankin’. No wonder you still ain’t married.”

He smiled some more. “I’m gone git her a new pair of work gloves and a new file fer the chain on the chain saw. Now that’s somethin’ personal and practical. Bet she’s gone be surprised fer shore. Gotta go, Ren .The feed store is closing and I want to git there ‘afore dark. Yes sir bet she’s gone be surprised fer shore.”

I wished my friend well and told him to come back soon. But in my mind, somehow, I doubt his wife is going to be surprised.

Merry Christmas to all and Good Night Starshine.

Copyright 2006 Ren Summer

 

* * * * * 

This is me..Ren
 
Born and raised near BayGeorgia.  One word BayGeorgia.  This is about half way between Funston and Hartsfield. Some time these  folks look down on us. They have a post office; we don't. However we have The Chicken Races, they don't.   I have written ever since I entered the first grade.  I have always loved it.  I love a lot of things but am most impressed by God's work. Sunsets, butterflies, horses, dogs, blue skies, full moons, the stars at night ,pretty women, good food and a whole lot of laughter. Bunch more too. Divorced and live alone. I am house broken and don't snore. Only get up once a night to go to the bathroom. Believe in God, Elvis, Baseball and That Humpty Dumpty was pushed from the wall. He never would have jumped.

 

Home Staff | Join Us | Dixie Dispatch | Links | Humor Shop

"We Cover the Country Like Kudzu"

Copyright 2008 Southern Humorists' Enterprises
Editor - Angela Gillaspie
- Editor - Sheila Moss  - Consulting Editor - Ben Baker
Dixie Dispatch - Angela Gillaspie - SouthernHumorists.com - Sheila Moss - Publicity Editor - Leeuna Foster