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         Grandmaw vs. the Snake

              By Dana Sieben







The outhouse beckoned to Grandmaw one day,
She eagerly answered its call.
And since the town didn’t have plumbing yet,
It was the outhouse or nothing at all.

She hurried out to the small wooden shack
And opened the lopsided door,
The musty, cool darkness promised relief
As did the toilet paper on the floor.

Grandmaw went on in and tugged down her pants
And hovered right over the seat,
Balancing like all southern women do,
As she stared down at her dusty bare feet.

Then she looked up as she saw something shift
In the shadows above the door,
Grandmaw froze up like a deer on the road,
As a big snake descended to the floor.

Grandmaw, still hovering over the hole,
Yelled at the snake so it would go,
It didn’t care for the tone of her voice
So it hissed and lunged at her bare toes.

Grandmaw hollered and ran out of the shack
Pulling up her pants in her haste,
Grandpaw saw the whole thing from the porch,
Laughing and wiping the tears from his face.

Uncle Jack witnessed Grandmaw’s flight,
He blushed from his feet to his head,
He’d never seen his momma’s bare bottom before
And it made his face turn bright red.

They never let Grandmaw live that one down,
The whole story was passed with glee,
About the day that Grandmaw raced a snake
That prevented her from taking a pee.

© Dana Sieben

*  *  *  *  *

A native of Warrior, Alabama, Dana Sieben is a graduate of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa (Roll Tide!) with a B.A. in Communications and Creative Writing.

Dana is currently residing in the suburbs of Chicago, IL where she is subtly changing her northern husband for the better by introducing him to the joys of sweet tea, biscuits, hoppin' john (black eyed peas dish) and Talledega NASCAR races. She writes about her family, her southern heritage, and her new life up north with a bit of humor and nostalgia.

In addition to being a member of various writing forums, Dana has also been published in different issues of USA Deep South, Long Story Short and Muscadine Lines – A Southern Journal. She is also a contributing writer to Dew on the Kudzu and writes humor articles for Weight-Loss

Dana can be reached at [email protected]or at her blog, Southern Gal Goes North.


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