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You can stick a PIN in me, I'm done

By Randy Rogers



My bank recently started this program where I can get points when I use my check card. It’s a pretty good deal. The points can be redeemed for hotel stays, car rentals, etc. so last evening I picked up the phone and dialed their number for customer service.

I hit all the right buttons. I put in the last four digits of my social security number and entered my 84-digit account number. Next the recording asked me to “tell them a little something about what I was looking for so they could better direct my call” to someone in a slum in Bombay who wanted me to believe his name was really Chas.

The first thing Chas asked me for was my PIN number. I explained that I hadn’t called them since they were bought by the bank before the bank that bought them last time so they could evolve into the cold and heartless institution that demanded a PIN number from their customers before they can start getting reward points when they used their check card.

Here’s how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: I don’t remember ever having a PIN number

Chas: Oh, every coostomer has a peen noomber, Mr. RawjerzI,”

Me: Why then did the nice lady on the automated system ask me to enter the last four digits of my social and then my 84-digit account number? She said it would help you locate my account. Now I…

Chas: Yes, we ask everyone that, in case you’re impaired

Me: I may be after this conversation. Where do I go to get this PIN number?

Chas: You already have a peen noomber. I’m looking at it right here on the screen. You’ll just need to tell me what it is so we can begin giving you excellent service!

Me: Uh huh. Well, I don’t know my peen noomber. Can you give me one of those hints like they do on the Internet?

Chas: Yes, I’d be happy to. It’s the last four digits of your social security noomber…

This exchange must have sunk deep into my psyche because I dreamed later that night that I died and went to Heaven. When I got there, God asked me for my PIN number.

I told Him my mother's maiden name. He looked down at his tablet and back up and said, "Nope." I told Him my first dog's name and got the same response.

Now I'm starting to sweat. I asked him, "Can't I get a hint?"

He said, "Okay, that's fair, I guess. What's the date of your wedding anniversary?"

"Which one?"

Poof! Then I woke up...

To be fair to Bombay Chas, I do understand the need for security. Not too long ago I lost my wallet and was the victim of identity theft.

Later it was mailed back to me with a note that read: “Who’d want to be YOU? All your cards are maxed out and your driver’s license has expired. I even tried using your phone card and the phone company cut in and requested a payment!”

Dang, I thought. If he had used my new check card I could have gotten points.

Copyright Randy Rogers


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