box of chardonnay
larger than the oven)
loafs of bread
box of crazy
Grade A large eggs (anything lower and
you’ll get sent straight to your room
stalks of celery
(strictly for the entertainment value)
teaspoons of ground sage
sticks of real
large knife (should look lethal)
box-o-wine (the white kind)
chardonnay box per instructions. Dispense into
wine glass and garnish with crazy straw.
Sample. Tell the kids, “It’s
a juice box for grown-ups.”
oven rack at
lowest setting and preheat oven to 325
degrees F. Sip wine.
turkey from vacuumed-sealed, impact-resistant
packaging. Careful with that knife. Sip wine.
Remove turkey neck
and giblets and wave them about like puppets
until your spouse tires of your
crazy straw range with additional crazy
straws. Test new connections. All leaks shall
be repaired until the straw assembly is
free of all leaks.
Send kids out of the kitchen.
your choppy-board thingy. Chop
onion into little onion pieces. Careful
with that big knife! Avoid touching crazy
straw with those oniony hands, cause boy
that’s not a pleasant combination.
Chop up the celery, too, into smaller
celeries, too. Refill
wine. Call the in-laws to come pick up the
saucepan (did I tell you you’re going to
need a saucepan, cause you’re going to need
a saucepan), in
saucepan, melt 1 stick-o-butter over medium
heat. Add chopped up stuff. Refill wine.
bread and moisten with the
water. Place in
the place of the
large mixing bowl.
box-o-wine with this box I
found over here’s the box I told you to get
for this recipe. Open with that knife is
sharp! Get the door, will ya?
tell your in-laws that you’re tired of them
telling you how to
their cat smells funny too. Why do they always
look so mad?
the toilet seat
with this stick of
butter I found and
wait for your spouse to go to the bathroom.
This is going to be really funny. Do you smell
burning saucepan from stove
smoke alarm with THIS
THING IS HOT! You
were gonna have that sofa cleaned with a
slip cover anyway
I found a bigger cup so we don’t have to
mess with that silly glass thingy
no more. Who left this turkey in the sink?
that, my friends, is how you make
snowshoes out of empty wine boxes. Be sure to
tune in next time when my spouse says, “Those
maids don’t need any of your