Previously unsolved, the fate of The Lost Colony of Roanoke has been discovered. Archeologists have uncovered a map, a diary, an axe, and many cracked skulls, leading experts to believe that as they were leading the colony to a nearby island, the men got lost and did not ask local tribes for directions.

The journey west was full of twists and turns, but the men should have asked for directions

Below are some of the entries from the diary of Jane Jones, wife of John Jones:

May 2, 1587

We've just started our journey westward to leave behind the enemies we have made on the island of Roanoac. The group is comprised of 79 people, only 4 women including me.

May 3, 1587

We're back in Roanoac, we had to turn around because I forgot a baking dish. The weather is clear, traveling has been good. We've made good time so far. I also forgot to pack some juice in the cooler.


May 9, 1587

This is the worst trip of my life. Not only did my husband misplace the diary, but we've just discovered that we've been walking in circles for the past week. I have to relieve myself and they won't stop for me.

May 10, 1587

So we're back in Roanoac. John thought the sun rose in the West.


May 11, 1587

The four of us women are growing very impatient. None of the men will admit that they are lost. They all say that they know where they are going. Why do men never ask for directions? We just passed a very nice looking Indian chief with bones in his nose.


May 12, 1587

I still have to relieve myself.

May 13, 1587

I found an axe today.


May 14, 1587

I feel better now.

So there it is, the fate of The Lost Colony of Roanoke. Jane Jones violently took the lives of all 75 men. Even in those primitive times, it held true that men should always ask for directions and never stand between a woman and the restroom. The female bladder is an unruly evil.

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Read more of Dave's historical satires at http://TheHistoryBluff.com