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Too Old to Cut the Mustard Anymore

By Edward Hurst



Iím just too old to cut the mustard anymore.
My slow leaking ticker has a click and a clack.
Donít know which painís worse, my feet or my back.
My liver sticks, and my left lungís slack.
Iím too old to cut the mustard anymore.

My girl, she wants to get frisky.
No way! Not with this bum ticker.
Itís just too risky
I use to cut the mustard good and fast
Now I sit and think about the past,
and how the good things never last.
Too old to cut the mustard anymore.

Itís not so bad on me, but my girlfriendís mighty sore.
She wants to dance; wants to go steppiní out;
Donít she know I canít goóI done got the gout.
Itís a battle cause sheís kinda big and sorta stout.
Iím just too old to cut the mustard anymore.

My girl Bigíun; she wants to wallow in the floor.
I tell her Iím too durn old, and too durn sore.
I believe she knows the score.
I donít get it down; cause I canít get it up, anymore!
Iím just too old to cut the mustard anymore.

Yes my girl is a brick house for shore.
But Iím too old to open the door.
Cause Iím too old to cut the mustard anymore.

One dayÖ
The pretty girls will wrestle in the mud.
Theyíll try and wave you in.
Nope, your hips a steel pin.
And your blood is way to thin.
Youíll be too old to cut the mustard anymore.

Listen to me, if you like to score.
Trust me; this is whatís in store.
One dayÖyouíll be too old to cut the mustard anymore.

© Edward Hurst


* * * * *

Edward Hurst writes a humor columns for Villa Rica Voice in Georgia and is raising a wife and two children. Read more of his work at


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