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Dedicated to Marta Martin  

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  Updated 1-2-08




























Southern Marriage Advice *

Cut out the middleman (marriage counselor) and select a divorce attorney for future reference; never hurts to be a leg up before you lose it. ~ Mike Bay

Don't put the computer in the bedroom. ~ Sheila Moss

Let her ride inside the pickup truck instead of in the back.
 ~ Sheila Moss

The three favorite words a wife can hear her husband say are not "I love you" but, "Honey, I'm wrong." ~ Barbara Madden

I think it is real romantic when my man  tells me I only have to clean out the dawg pen every other week end. ~ Becky Cox

Spend more time with her than the dog. ~ Phil Jones

Remember that the answer to 2 out of any 3 given questions you ask her will be "No!". 
~ Phil Jones

Never ever blame your wife's emotions on her fluctuating hormones. ~ Carrie English

Your mounted deer heads will look fine in the garage. ~ Carrie English

If you have to smell the pits of your shirts to deem whether it is wearable or not, throw it in the hamper.  It's not. ~ Carrie English

I found these words and phrases to be definite no-nos:  * You're being ridiculous * Leave me alone for just a minute * Childish * I didn't say your new outfit was pretty because we were in a hurry * Listen, that's not what I said * As soon as my TV show is over * Here we go again * You don't have the guts to do anything with that knife  ~ Curt Brandao

Remember, there are two ways to argue with a woman.  Neither works. ~ Mike Bay

Always remember that she is a much better cook than your mother ever was.
- Shelly Youngdren

1) Separate homes. On opposite sides of the nation.
2) Ladies, understand a man needs a night out with the boys. At least that's what we'll tell you.
3) Men, understand ladies need a night out and who with is none of your damn business.
4) Instead of having children, buy a cappucin monkey. At least they can be
trained to accept money when you play an old fashioned organ music box.
5) Men do things that appear odd.  Get used to this.  Men also find many of these things amusing.
6) Women do things that just ARE odd. No one has ever gotten used to this, even the women doing it. Men may find it amusing, but they never find out if women do.
7) Pickup lines no longer work.
8) There is no No. 8.
9) Thank you for reading this.
~ Ben Baker

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