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  Updated 1-2-08




























Kamikaze Kittens

The fountain of youth

By Marti Lawrence

We are now blessed with two new little bundles of joy.

No, I didnít give birth, and we donít have any grandchildren. These are kittens.

Eldest Son no longer lives at home. He shares a household with several other very nice young people, and together they have a dog and a cat.

Cats, beingÖwell, cats, are tricky. And with it being springtime, cats become frisky. Tricky and frisky leads to kittens. Their cat managed to sneak outdoors, and rewarded the household with the fruits of the escape, a new batch of babies.

Eldest Son found the litter of new kittens adorable, but excessive.

Once weaned, the kittens were adopted out to new homes. We were blessed with two of them. Thank you Son.

Thank you for helping me stave off the slowing of reflexes that sometimes comes with aging. My instinctual movements have been sharpened considerable these last few days, because now, walking across a room is equivalent to traversing a minefield.

Darting kitten underfoot, watch your step! Donít finish that stride, even though your foot is only three inches from the floor! Abort! Abort! Shift entire body weight in a split second!

Thank you for sparing me a full nightís sleep. It is much more entertaining to have my nose used as a chew toy.

The rejuvenating effects of hearing crying in the middle of the night, insistent and demanding, had all but slipped into the realm of the forgotten.

Thank you for helping build up my endurance. The crying kitten will wail inconsolably for hours, despite offerings of milk, soft food, hard food and lots of snuggling, but I will hang in there until the little darling is peaceful once more.

Thank you for helping me update my coiffure. The new style is the result of having my hair batted back and forth by the first feline soccer champions. It seems to give them a great deal of pleasure, which is more important than mere appearance.

Thank you for helping me become more limber. Having a kitten leap onto my back as I sit watching television has increased my flexibility dramatically, requiring considerable twisting and bending to reach back there and pull it off.

Thank you for reminding me the virtue of patience. Losing everything I typed during the last hour, when they playfully dislodge the computer power cord could have sent me into a tizzy, but I have learned to remain placid, and back up my work frequently

Thank you for helping my heart stay strong. There is no greater cardiovascular workout than to be reading a suspense novel and have a kitten jump you from out of nowhere.

Thank you for the smiles. Watching these two hooligans wrestle and scuffle, or leap straight up in the air at the sight of one another, provides all of your extended family with many giggles.

Seeing them run from the carpet to the hardwood floor then try to stop abruptly, resulting in a skid worthy of an action movie car chase, brings on hold-our-sides guffaws.

Watching them arch and puff with great bravado at seeing their own reflection, has caused peals of laughter to burst forth from everyone in the household.

Thank you for the joy. Observing one perch anxiously on the edge of the couch, vibrating with anticipation, while the other approaches, casual and unaware, until the kamikaze attack occurs, is priceless entertainment.

Watching them grow, learn, and sleep, has improved our frame of mind, even on days when we may have been tired or grumpy.

Itís almost like having you here again.


* * * * * 

Marti Lawrence is a humor columnist, who lives in Grain Valley, Missouri. She is a wife, mother, friend, humor columnist, online retailer, aspiring novelist, and pumpkin farmer...a woman who is trying to do ten things at once, but only succeeding at about half of them!

Marti has a book [in;odjrf of 40 humorous essays,  entitled, Queen Klutz, The misadventures of a very clumsy woman.
She has been published in the Examiner Newspaper, in Independence, Missouri, and the 2006 Writer's Blog Anthology available for download at Lulu publishing. She has also published a blog since January of 2005 called Enter the Laughter.  You can contact her at [email protected] .




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