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Daylight Savings Cometh

By Marti Lawrence

clocks,concepts,digital clocks,grandfather clocks,households,mantle clocks,sundials,timepieces,times

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth, and it was good. (Not great, because the Internet hadn’t been invented yet :-) ).

Then came beasts and mankind and one begot another and another (hopefully not with each other). The earth became populated, mankind made many advancements, and the Mayans told us this will be our last year on earth (or not, since they didn’t figure in leap year adding a day every four years, so technically the day they predicted has already passed – for reals! We’re not gonna die!)

And lo, it came to pass that the lesser gods, the Timekeepers, looked upon the system of calendars and clocks and all manner of ways of making us late, and said, “Behold! We are going to upend the current method, for although it has served us for centuries, we want to make things just a tad bit more difficult for mere mortals.”

And thus, they invented Daylight Saving Time. (Yes, I know many use the plural, but apparently, that is wrong.)

Daylight did not realize it needed saving, and the Earth continued to rotate at the same speed, and the length of time the sunlight shone did not vary, but the great and powerful Timekeepers would not be silenced and henceforth, the hour of the rising of the sun was changed.

A great darkness spread across the land, and many gnashed their teeth and rended their garments, all for naught.

And Standard Time became frightened, and muttered to itself, “Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of Daylight Saving Time, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Plus I know that come the first Sunday in November, I shall reign again!”

So verily I say unto you, heed the Timekeepers (unless you live in Hawaii, Arizona and the Midway Islands and Wake Island, which do not observe daylight saving time) or thou willst find thyself late for thine appointed rounds. Or at the very least you’ll miss something interesting on the Internet.

Copyright 2012 Marti Lawrence



Marti Lawrence is a humor columnist writing about bad luck, being a klutz, cars that hate her, having kids, life and love. Her style of writing is like a cross between Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry Read more about Marti at





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