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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the
earth, and it was good. (Not great, because the Internet
hadn’t been invented yet 
).
Then came beasts and mankind and one begot another
and another (hopefully not with each other). The earth
became populated, mankind made many advancements, and the Mayans
told us this will be our last year on earth (or not, since they
didn’t figure in leap year adding a day every four years, so
technically the day they predicted has already passed – for reals!
We’re
not gonna die!)
And lo, it came to pass that the lesser gods, the
Timekeepers, looked upon the system of calendars and clocks and all
manner of ways of making us late, and said, “Behold! We are going
to upend the current method, for although it has served us for
centuries, we want to make things just a tad bit more difficult for
mere mortals.”
And thus, they invented Daylight Saving Time. (Yes,
I know many use the plural, but apparently, that
is wrong.)
Daylight did not realize it needed saving, and the
Earth continued to rotate at the same speed, and the length of time
the sunlight shone did not vary, but the great and powerful
Timekeepers would not be silenced and henceforth, the hour of the
rising of the sun was changed.
A great darkness spread across the land, and many
gnashed their teeth and rended their garments, all for naught.
And Standard Time became frightened, and muttered
to itself, “Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of
Daylight Saving Time, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; Thy
rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Plus I know that come the first
Sunday in November, I shall reign again!”
So verily I say unto you, heed the Timekeepers (unless
you live in Hawaii, Arizona and the Midway Islands and Wake Island,
which do not observe daylight saving time) or thou willst find
thyself late for thine appointed rounds. Or at the very least
you’ll miss something interesting on the Internet.
Copyright 2012 Marti Lawrence
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 Marti
Lawrence is a humor columnist writing about bad luck, being a klutz, cars that hate
her, having kids, life and love. Her style of writing is like a cross between Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry
Read more about Marti at http://enterthelaughter.com/
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