Which do you use ketchup or
catsup? The three dictionaries I use say that
both words are correct, although ketchup is the
preferred choice for the slightly sweet, tomato
based sauce, flavored with vinegar and spices.
Ketchup is the number one condiment in the free
world, especially in North America. It has
greater sales, is used more often, on more
things and in more dishes, than any other
condiment. Only mustard comes close.
One would think children and teenagers are the
biggest users of ketchup, due to the influence
of TV, fast food places and etc. Believe it or
not, according to several food industry sources,
as many adults as kids use the stuff. Most of
the kitchens in the U.S. Have a bottle of
ketchup. We pour it on hotdogs, hamburgers, meat
loaf, eggs and use it in many other dishes such
as sloppy Joes, beans, chili and barbecue
sauces. And don’t forget French fries. Most
folks don’t think French fries are French
fries without ketchup to dip them into.
An old friend of mine will take a 1-1/2” thick
rib eye steak grilled to perfection and cover it
with a half bottle of ketchup before even
tasting it. Of course, this same individual
claims a strong aversion to garlic, yet eats
everything I cook, and I put garlic into
everything except cakes, and I don't bake
cakes… Hmmm, the thought just occurred to me,
maybe that’s why he uses so much ketchup.
Anyway, the reason for this little essay isn't
to explore the uses or spelling of ketchup or
catsup, but to introduce you to an easy little
trick to get the ketchup to come out of the
glass bottle when it just flat refuses to budge.
We've all been there, sitting in front of a
plate of steaming French fries or some fried
onion rings or something just crying to be
dipped in a little ketchup and popped into your
mouth. Clearing off a little place on your plate
just the right size for your ketchup, you pick
up the bottle of ketchup and remove the cap,
aiming the opening in the bottle at the space
you've prepared. Giving the bottle a tentative
little shake yields nothing, so you shake it
again a couple of times, harder than
before…still nothing.
By now you’re getting a bit frustrated and
turn the bottle to inspect the hole to see if
the seal might still be in place or something…
Nope, nothing down there but ketchup, so you
stick the blade of your knife or the handle of
your fork into the hole, stir it around and try
it again. Still no ketchup except what’s on
your silverware and that you got on your shirt
where you touched it with ketchupy fingers.
Now you’re mad, it’s you against the damned
ketchup bottle and, by gum you’re stronger and
smarter than any dang ketchup bottle. You shake
again and still no ketchup. Okay, enough of
this…you shake the bottle violently, at the
same time pounding it on the bottom with your
other hand until…Plop! Half the dang bottle
dumps all over your plate, in your lap, over
half your table and even some on your neighbors
at the adjoining table.
My friends, there’s a better way…All you do
is simply clear the area on your plate where you
want to put the ketchup. Pick up the bottle of
ketchup and remove the cap and look to make sure
that the seal has been removed from the opening.
Hold the bottle with one hand down near the
bottom and the opening pointing to the place
that you’ve made ready for the ketchup. With
your free hand gently “karate chop” the
bottle at the point where the big part necks
down to the little part, you may have to chop
for a few seconds, but soon the ketchup will
begin to flow right where you want it…Now
wasn't that easy, your blood pressure is a lot
lower, and your clothes along with those of your
tablemates are a lot cleaner.
Of course you can forget all this if the ketchup
is in one of those little squeeze bottles.
Copyright Newt Harlan
* * * * *
Newt Harlan has a B.S. From Sam
Houston University in Huntsville, Texas. After
working as a bartender, locomotive fireman,
oilfield roughneck, spending 4 years in the
U.S.A.F. during the Vietnam era and 35 years as
an itinerant steel salesman, he is now
semi-retired, dabbling in steel sales, and
writing. His fiction has appeared in USA Deep
South, Muscadine Lines: A Southern Journal and
DeadMule.Com. among others.
|
