Healthy Food Made Scary: McRevenge?
By Cheryl Dendy
we've been bombarded by magazine covers, new stories, and commercials
proclaiming the virtues of a healthy diet. Fresh fruits, fresh veggies, fish,
proteins from nuts and soybeans rather than red meat. Fresh over fried.
You know that had to have the fast food guys steaming.
So a smear campaign emerged against fish...turns out they contain mercury. Bad
for the kids! Pregnant women stay away!
Fast food, meanwhile, played it cool. Nothing could be traced to them, nosirree.
Then Jarrod came out half the man he used to be thanks to a place that, while
technically fast food, was actually addressing the nutritional concerns of a
nation. Fast food (the rest of fast food) worried and plotted.
The last straw, I think, the thing that drove the fast food conspiracy to action
against the healthy food movement, was that documentary on super sizes. But they
had to be careful, leaving no fingerprints.
Restaurants scrambled to come out with healthier choices, yelling, "Ta-DAAA"
like it was all their idea in the first place.
Meanwhile, spinach came out that made people sick with e coli. Then
LETTUCE...the worldwide staple of salad. Salad, yanno, from the Latin for
"rabbit food." Another fast food chain was sacrificed for the greater
good of the conspiracy, losing millions of dollars in business and left yelling,
"Hey! Yo Quiero my customers back!"
Now they've just gone
too far, attacking that pinnacle of childhood, that crown achievement of George
Washington Carver, that glue of happy parent-child bonding (and
grandparent-child, and even child-child bonding, as well). Salmonella in the
peanut butter...oh, the humanity!
Where will it all end? Here's to hoping the conspiracy is weakened to the point
of live and let live.
Course, my Sweetie thinks the jelly conglomerate just wants a bigger slice of
the PB&J market...
But then, between you and me, he's kinda nuts.
* * * * *
Cheryl Dendy, a.k.a. MamaKat, says her house has almost always
been "outside of" some already-small town. She was born and mostly
raised "outside of" Troy, Alabama. She guesses she is a redneck,
cause directions to her house usually did include "and then you leave the
paved road." She now lives in the frozen North in Indiana, where it
is sometimes 5 degrees Fahrenheit. She has three boys two ex-husbands, one
boyfriend, two cats, and a certifiably insane extended family back in the Deep
South, more than enough material for a long and lucrative writing career.
Funny Columns from Southern Humorists