Southern Humorists - Humor from Joy Boone

So. my hubby was going to mow the grass a few weeks ago, and I reminded him to roll up the hose cause it would be hard to see in the grass and he would run over it. I have told him to roll it back up when he is finished with it and he never listens. My hubby has a severe case of wife-deafness and didn't roll up the hose. And just like I figured, over it he went and chopped the hose in pieces. Being the good wife I am, I picked at him about it for about a week then went and bought a new hose.

Fast forward till a day I was off from work and was going to mow some so he wouldn't have so much to mow when he got home. (Our yard keeps increasing in size , I swear it does!!!!!!) Anyways, I pile my fat self on the mower and am happily running around the yard in the Earnhardt gear the hubby has told me to never mow in, and then I heard it.. CHOMP CHOMP...

I look back , wondering if that was the neighbor I just ran over and see little pieces of the garden hose. I had watered flowers the night before and I hadn't rolled up the hose. Well, I knew there was NO WAY I could tell him what I had done 'cause I had picked at him about it for so long when he did it. So, I jumped in the car and run over to the closest hardware store and got a new hose. Was sooooo proud of myself that I had gotten away with it. Till I got home.

We had used the other hose for a few weeks (before I made it into straws) and it was all dirty and stuff and the new hose damn near glowed it was so clean!!! So, I drug it up and down the driveway in the dirt about 10 times and then pulled it through the grass some so it would look like it had been used a lot. I Knew I had it knocked then. He would never know I had done the same stupid thing he had. Was sooo pleased at my self for being so smart!!!!

The next day, he is going to water the flowers and off across the yard he goes, dragging the hose with him. I am standing in the window watching him and thinking all along just how smart I really am ,,,,, UNTIL... he ran outa hose way before he ran outa flowerbed. He couldn't get to the other end of the flower bed with the hose like he had 2 days ago. I watch him out the window, pulling on the hose so hard that I thought he was gonna drag the house up the hill by the hose.

He came back to see if it was snagged on something. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Then it hit me! We had had a 30 foot hose in the beginning and me, in my rush to get the replacement hose, had bought a 15 footer.... So.... I go out the door dreading what I had to do. He is standing there with the hose in his hand, looking back at where its connected to the house and you can tell by the look on his face, he has no clue what is going on.

I tried to tell him that I had heard on the radio that if you left a garden hose laying in the sun, it would shrink.. He didn't fall for that one.. So I told him the little drizzle of rain we had the night before caused it to draw up.. Nope, didn't work. All at once, he looked at me and I swear I saw a light bulb go off in his head. "You did it too, didn't you? Come on fess up; you ran it over too didn't you?"

What could I say? I just dropped my head and turned and crawled back into the house.