A few columns ago I mentioned the need to shed a few pounds. I use the term “shed a few pounds” in the same sense as Brittany Spears needs to shed her “less than stellar” image.

Basically I have gotten so large, when I went into the post office to rent a mailbox they offered me my own zip code.

After considering the options I chose to eat healthier foods rather than do something drastic like go on the “D” word. Yes, diet.

The reason I’m not calling this a diet is I hope to stay on this course permanently. Diets are something a person starts to lose weight, stops when they get to their target, then start again when the weight is gained back. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Eating healthier meant making some drastic changes in my daily intake, which consisted of two sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches, hash browns and a large drink for breakfast. Lunch could be the pizza buffet, a huge Philly cheese steak sandwich or a honkin’ serving of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and rice. Dinner didn’t really get any better.

Top all of this off with about a gallon of sweet tea and soft drinks and you can turn Nemo into Moby Dick.

Speaking of Moby Dick, my current condition is one of the reasons I avoid beaches. In my pale plump state, people keep trying to roll me back into the water and fishing boats were waiting to harpoon me when they did. It’s dangerous being this heavy.

With 15 months until my 51st birthday, I decided to I wanted to lose 75 pounds by that time. I didn’t even know how much I weighed because the scale always groaned when I got too close, but I knew 75 pounds would not be a stretch. Hey, that’s only 5 pounds per month. Anybody can do that.

I then ordered the Mike Huckabee book titled Stop Digging Your Grave with a Knife and a Fork. It’s not a diet book. It’s a motivational book which tells the story of how he lost 100 pounds.

The book does suggest foods to give up and stresses the “E” word. Yes, exercise.

On my start date, October 5, I stopped drinking sweet tea and soft drinks. I now drink mostly water, with some unsweetened tea for an occasional meal. I really thought this would be my toughest obstacle. After all, sweet iced tea is the nectar of the Southern gods and of course, Elvis. So far, it’s gone smoothly.

I also gave up the breakfast sandwiches. I have told friends if my behavior becomes erratic or strange, it is simply sausage withdrawal. I advised them to just ignore me, something they do already. I recently received a “Thank You” note from Porky for saving the lives of countless relatives through my snub of sausage.

I am now eating mixed fruit for breakfast most days or two scrambled eggs and a piece of 15 grain toast with just a tad of butter. Yes, it’s a big change, but the problem, my belly, was even larger.

Speaking of toast, white bread has been replaced as well. The texture of the 15 grain bread is not as good but the flavor is not bad at all. 
Also gone are fried foods, potatoes, pastas and sweets. 

When people ask me what I’m doing, I simply say eating healthy. If they want more I list the things I am no longer eating. The most common question is, “What’s left?”

The question is valid. Here in the deep South, most cooks have two methods. They know how to pan fry food and they know how to deep fry food. 

While the loss of sweets has not been a problem, giving up potatoes is pretty tough. Ruffles keep calling my name every time I pass them in the grocery store. It’s a hollow, moaning sound as if someone is beckoning from the grave.

I’m not trying to convert anyone to my way of eating. This is what I’m doing. So far it’s working for me. I have lost 17 pounds in two weeks. I’m simply asking you to keep me accountable as you see me in the community. Feel free to ask how it’s going or even what I had for breakfast, lunch or dinner. By going public, there will be nowhere to hide the Reeses’ Cups.

UPDATE: This column first appeared in the newspaper on Oct. 22, 2009. After a total of nine weeks, I have lost 41 pounds and stuck to the healthy eating life-style. Elvis is probably turning over in his grave now.