Some addictions are tougher to overcome than others. Mine seems “purt-near” impossible. Even so, the experts say to admit a problem is the first step in overcoming it. Now, I’ve never actually met one of these experts but people tell me "that’s what the experts say” and I’m just gullible enough to believe them. In keeping with the admission thing, I’ll start it like they ask you to do in one of those 12 Step meetings. “My name is Mark Berryman and I am addicted to fried chicken.”

This addiction started at a very young age, and I kind of blame my parents. Rather than a pacifier I was given a chicken leg. My Mom says I would gnaw on that chicken leg until the knuckles on the end were gone. On more than one occasion I got into a tug-of-war match with the family dog over a chicken bone. He never stood a chance.

I remember in first grade a teacher asking everyone in the class what their favorite animal was. When it came my turn, I told boldly proclaimed, “Fried chicken.”

The teacher said that I wasn’t very funny but she must have been wrong because everyone in the class except her and I were laughing. She sent me to the principal’s office. 

I told him why I was there. He laughed and told me not to do it again.

Returning to the classroom, the teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was, and I told her it was a chicken. She asked me why and I told her, “Because you can make fried chicken out of them.” 

I was now in the principal’s office for the second time in less than an hour and I had no idea why. Once again, I told him why I was there and once again he laughed and told me not to do it again. It would have been a lot easier not to do it again if I had known what it was I wasn’t supposed to do in the first place.

I returned to the class, and thankfully we were not talking about animals any more. We had now moved on to people. The teacher was asking everyone who their favorite person was, and when it was my turn, I said, “Colonel Sanders.” 

I was sent to the principal’s office for a third time before lunch. 

Speaking of lunch, you should have seen my teacher’s face when the class went to the cafeteria and the menu featured fried chicken. Everyone in the class laughed except the teacher and me. 

There was a time when fried chicken was reserved for Sunday dinners with the preacher. I’m glad those days are gone. Not only can I now eat fried chicken more than once a week, I can eat it more than once a day.

While people may believe the telephone or maybe the automobile are the greatest inventions in the history of mankind, I prefer to believe it is fried chicken in a biscuit. I distinctly remember the first time I had a fried chicken biscuit. It was while stationed in Charleston during my tour in the U.S. Navy. A small café in Ladson had fried chicken biscuits on their menu, and this was well before the fast food places served them. I was now in heaven.

It was a sad day when I received orders transferring me from Charleston to Memphis. I was unsure there would ever be another chicken biscuit to start my day. Luckily they caught on.

I can now feed my addiction three times a day. A couple of fried chicken biscuits for breakfast, fried chicken fingers for lunch and a plate full of fried chicken and fixin’s for supper.

My love for fried chicken is so strong, my girlfriend Paula broke down in tears when I finally told her I loved her more than fried chicken. It was quite an emotional moment.

Addictions are hard to overcome. They are even harder when temptation sits out in the open and on every corner. Here in Elberton there’s a whole passel of “chicken pushers” who operate in plain sight and legally. Three of these places have nothing but chicken on the menu. Most of the others have fried chicken in some form or another. I’m not sure if an addict can get their fried chicken fix at one of the pizza shops but it’s only a matter of time before someone invents a fried chicken pizza.

As for me, I’ve admitted the problem. Now I’m looking for a support group to help me with it. I’m hoping we can meet at Bojangles and discuss a strategy over lunch.

Copyright  Mark Berryman